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Fine This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. *********** Five Minutes If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. *********** Nothing This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine". *********** Go Ahead This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT! *********** Loud Sigh Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". *********** That's Okay This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. *********** ThanksThis is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly. Yipyip at 3/09/2009 06:53:00 PM Famous Quotes about Wives I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. ******** When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ******** After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. ******** By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ******** Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. ******** The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? ******** I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. ******** "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." ******** "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." ******** "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." ******** "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." ******** Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. ******** The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... ******** You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. ******** My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. ******** A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. ******** Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. ******** A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." ******** First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." ******** Yipyip at 2/15/2009 06:41:00 PM The paradox of our time in history is that We have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just forget it Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember to say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Yipyip at 2/11/2009 06:40:00 PM Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. ********* To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy. ********* The road to success??.. Is always under construction. ********* Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk. ********* In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it. ********* All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening. ********* Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak. ********* Everyone has a scheme of getting rich.. Which never works. ********* If at first you don't succeed.. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried. ********* You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side. ********* Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner. ********* 42.7% of all statisticsare made on the spot. ********* If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? If you have both, no one calls. ********* If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance. ********* You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming. ********* After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other. ********* The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits. ********* Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker ********* Yipyip at 2/10/2009 01:39:00 AM
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. A friend 2. A companion 3. A lover 4. A brother 5. A father 6. A master 7. A chef 8. An electrician 9. A carpenter 10. A plumber 11. A mechanic 12. A decorator 13. A stylist 14. A sexologist 15. A gynecologist 16. A psychologist 17. A pest exterminator 18. A psychiatrist 19. A healer 20. A good listener 21. An organizer 22. A good father 23. Very clean 24. Sympathetic 25. Athletic 26. Warm 27. Attentive 28. Gallant 29. Intelligent 30. Funny 31. Creative 32. Tender 33. Strong 34. Understanding 35. Tolerant 36. Prudent 37. Ambitious 38. Capable 39. Courageous 40. Determined 41. True 42. Dependable 43. Passionate 44. Compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. Give her compliments regularly 46. Love shopping 47. Be honest 48. Be very rich 49. Not stress her out 50. Not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes.............. HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked Yipyip at 2/10/2009 01:28:00 AM
Reaction from different countries: ************ ** U.S.A: "A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists. We will not sit quiet and we will teach them a lesson. Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find you and destroy your Al-Qaeda network." (President Bush........ whoelse?) ************ ** U.K: "I have spoken to the President of United States and we have both agreed that the sinking of Titanic is significant prove that Saddam Hussein is clearly behind this attack, Iraq is imposing a threat to the world and this has to be dealt with." (Prime Minister Blair) ************ ** Iraq: "LOL!!!" (President Saddam Hussain) ************ ** Israel: "These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough evidence to say that sinking of Titanic is not an accident but it was their suicide bombers who have commited such a crime. We will now impose curfew on the Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them, starve them, destroy their homes and refugee camps." (Ariel Sharon....) ************ ** Canada: "Titanic who?" (Canadian Prime Minister) ************ ** India: "Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. We have received passports of Pakistani extremists from the Titanic debris. Pakistanis will have to pay for such horrendous act of terrorism. We are now deploying more soldiers to the border." (Prime Minister Vajpayee) ************ ** Pakistan: "Sind may Double Sawari per ghair muayyana muddat ke liye pabandi" (President Musharraf) ************ ** UN: "Shit happens right??" (Sec.Gen. Kofi Annan) ************ ** Survivors: "Uhh. Helllooo. Is anyone listening... it was an iceberg..hellloooooo." ************ ** Yipyip at 2/10/2009 01:21:00 AM
1."We will do it" means "You will do it" 2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you" 3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same" 4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!" 5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do" 6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied" 7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later" 8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time" 9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time." 10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought" 11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me" 12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!" 13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is" 14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..." 15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed" 16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it" 17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble" Yipyip at 2/10/2009 01:19:00 AM
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